diff --git a/pre_commit/languages/node.py b/pre_commit/languages/node.py
index 8dc4e8ba..37ce7440 100644
--- a/pre_commit/languages/node.py
+++ b/pre_commit/languages/node.py
@@ -13,6 +13,7 @@ from pre_commit.envcontext import UNSET
 from pre_commit.envcontext import Var
 from pre_commit.hook import Hook
 from pre_commit.languages import helpers
+from pre_commit.languages.node_env import install_node
 from pre_commit.languages.python import bin_dir
 from pre_commit.prefix import Prefix
 from pre_commit.util import clean_path_on_failure
@@ -89,27 +90,22 @@ def install_environment(
     if sys.platform == 'win32':  # pragma: no cover
         envdir = fr'\\?\{os.path.normpath(envdir)}'
     with clean_path_on_failure(envdir):
-        cmd = [
-            sys.executable, '-mnodeenv', '--prebuilt', '--clean-src', envdir,
-        ]
-        if version != C.DEFAULT:
-            cmd.extend(['-n', version])
-        cmd_output_b(*cmd)
+        npm = install_node(envdir, version)
 
         with in_env(prefix, version):
             # https://npm.community/t/npm-install-g-git-vs-git-clone-cd-npm-install-g/5449
             # install as if we installed from git
 
             local_install_cmd = (
-                'npm', 'install', '--dev', '--prod',
+                npm, 'install', '--dev', '--prod',
                 '--ignore-prepublish', '--no-progress', '--no-save',
             )
             helpers.run_setup_cmd(prefix, local_install_cmd)
 
-            _, pkg, _ = cmd_output('npm', 'pack', cwd=prefix.prefix_dir)
+            _, pkg, _ = cmd_output(npm, 'pack', cwd=prefix.prefix_dir)
             pkg = prefix.path(pkg.strip())
 
-            install = ('npm', 'install', '-g', pkg, *additional_dependencies)
+            install = (npm, 'install', '-g', pkg, *additional_dependencies)
             helpers.run_setup_cmd(prefix, install)
 
             # clean these up after installation
diff --git a/pre_commit/languages/node_env.py b/pre_commit/languages/node_env.py
new file mode 100644
index 00000000..ade375fa
--- /dev/null
+++ b/pre_commit/languages/node_env.py
@@ -0,0 +1,108 @@
+import io
+import os
+import platform
+import re
+import sys
+import sysconfig
+from tarfile import TarFile
+from tarfile import TarInfo
+from typing import Generator
+from urllib.parse import urljoin
+from urllib.request import urlopen
+from zipfile import ZipFile
+
+import pre_commit.constants as C
+
+ARCHITECTURES = {
+    'x86': 'x86',  # Windows Vista 32
+    'i686': 'x86',
+    'x86_64': 'x64',  # Linux Ubuntu 64
+    'amd64': 'x64',  # FreeBSD 64bits
+    'AMD64': 'x64',  # Windows Server 2012 R2 (x64)
+    'armv6l': 'armv6l',  # arm
+    'armv7l': 'armv7l',
+    'armv8l': 'armv7l',
+    'aarch64': 'arm64',
+    'arm64': 'arm64',
+    'arm64/v8': 'arm64',
+    'armv8': 'arm64',
+    'armv8.4': 'arm64',
+    'ppc64le': 'ppc64le',  # Power PC
+    's390x': 's390x',  # IBM S390x
+}
+
+NIX_NODE_SUBDIRS = re.compile(r'node[^/]+/(bin|lib|include|share)')
+WINDOWS_NODE_SUBDIRS = re.compile(r'node[^/]+(np|node)')
+
+
+def install_node(envdir: str, language_version: str) -> str:
+    windows = sys.platform in ('cygwin', 'win32')
+
+    if sysconfig.get_config_var('HOST_GNU_TYPE') == 'x86_64-pc-linux-musl':
+        domain = 'https://unofficial-builds.nodejs.org'
+        suffix = 'linux-x64-musl.tar.gz'
+    else:
+        domain = 'https://nodejs.org'
+
+        arch = ARCHITECTURES[platform.machine()]
+        if windows:
+            suffix = f'win-{arch}.zip'
+        else:
+            suffix = f'{platform.system().lower()}-{arch}.tar.gz'
+
+    version = _node_version(domain, language_version)
+
+    archive_name = f'node-{version}-{suffix}'
+    with urlopen(
+        urljoin(domain, f'download/release/{version}/{archive_name}'),
+    ) as release:
+        compressed = io.BytesIO(release.read())
+
+    # TODO should i just extractall + rm the extra bits instead of partially
+    #  extracting & renaming?
+
+    if windows:
+        # TODO this doesn't quite work
+        def renamed_members(z: ZipFile) -> Generator[str, None, None]:
+            prefix_len = len(f'{archive_name}/')
+            for m in z.filelist:
+                if WINDOWS_NODE_SUBDIRS.match(m.filename):
+                    m.filename = m.filename[prefix_len:]
+                    yield m.filename
+
+        with ZipFile(compressed) as z:
+            z.extractall(envdir, renamed_members(z))
+
+        raise NotImplementedError('TODO')
+
+    else:
+        def rename_members_tf(tf: TarFile) -> Generator[TarInfo, None, None]:
+            prefix_len = len(f'{archive_name}/')
+            for m in tf.getmembers():
+                if NIX_NODE_SUBDIRS.match(m.name):
+                    m.path = m.path[prefix_len:]
+                    yield m
+
+        with TarFile.open(fileobj=compressed) as tf:
+            tf.extractall(envdir, rename_members_tf(tf))  # type: ignore
+
+        for file in ('npm', 'npx', 'node'):
+            path = os.path.join(envdir, 'bin', file)
+            os.chmod(path, os.stat(path).st_mode | 0o111)
+        os.symlink('node', os.path.join(envdir, 'bin', 'nodejs'))
+
+        return os.path.join(envdir, 'bin', 'npm')
+
+
+def _node_version(domain: str, language_version: str) -> str:
+    """Looks up the node.js version based on the configured
+     version (uses the latest by default)"""
+    if language_version == C.DEFAULT:
+        # grab latest
+        with urlopen(urljoin(domain, 'download/release/index.tab')) as index:
+            _ = next(index)  # header
+            version = next(index).split()[0].decode()
+    else:
+        version = f'v{language_version.replace("v", "")}'
+
+    return version
diff --git a/setup.cfg b/setup.cfg
index ceb1cd4c..d4fbb630 100644
--- a/setup.cfg
+++ b/setup.cfg
@@ -25,7 +25,6 @@ packages = find:
 install_requires =
     cfgv>=2.0.0
     identify>=1.0.0
-    nodeenv>=0.11.1
     pyyaml>=5.1
     toml
     virtualenv>=20.0.8